Totally connected, yet so disconnected

On an episode of Oprah last week (and a few last fall), a family of four was profiled. They were the typical suburban family; Mom, Dad and two sons. The issue was how the family was so distant from one another, and how the marriage was at risk of falling apart. The reason: not enough social interaction. They rarely ate meals together or did anything together aside from watch TV - hardly good family bonding. Mom and Dad shared a bed, but that was about it.

The cause: electronics. Mom, Dad and the older son all had cell phones, and were texting or checking email constantly. The son was sending 200-300 texts every day! Video games and the TV served as a babysitter. The first thing dad did every morning was get up and check his email. Instead of interacting with each other, they were interacting with others who weren't even in their home. The house was also a mess and the garage was full of stuff; not on the level of "Hoarders", but at a level of over consumption typical in this age of consumerism. This family, and all of us these days, are more connected to the world than ever before, yet socially we are becoming very disconnected from each other.

So to solve the problem, the electronics were taken away for a week, and rules were set about cleaning the house, eating together, spending quality time together, etc. And it worked - in just a few days, things improved more than anyone expected. Talking to each other instead of to their cell phones made a huge difference.

That should be the end of the story, right? Well, I think it's great that this family worked it out, and I hope a lot of families learned from it. But I think this experiment only cured a symptom of a bigger problem. This family, as I mentioned, is a typical suburban family. "Suburban" being the key word. The kids rarely went to hang out with friends, and why? Probably because being in suburbia, they are just too far away. Kids in suburbia often can't just walk a few houses down to see friends like they can in the city - everyone is too spread out. Mom and Dad had to drive to get anywhere or do anything, and after a long day at work and a long commute, who wants to get back in their car again? So, they pull into the garage and stay in the house, isolated.

The real problem is the design of suburbia. Suburbia, which was once a great idea, is becoming a nightmare. Kids are isolated and if they can't drive or don't have a car, they are stuck at home. That leads to boredom, obesity and social problems - kids will find something to do eventually, and more and more often it's crime and drugs. People would walk or bike if they could, but everything is so spread out, it's not going to happen. And it's not just the distance, it's the blandness of the surroundings. Walking through suburbia, past garage door after garage door, one cookie cutter house after another, is hardly motivation to do it more than once. There's no interest to get people out of their homes. So they stay inside, the streets void of people.

"Suburbia" is the problem that needs to be solved. I'm not saying everyone has to live downtown in highrises, but we need to stop building anonymous suburbs. It is possible to design communities of single family homes where you don't have to drive everywhere, where there are people on the streets, shops close by, life. Governments need to start promoting and even mandating good development - people who aren't isolated are healthier physically and mentally and the less we drive, the fewer roads we need. Those bland 'burbs are cheap to build initially, but have become very expensive in the long run.